I write this here ‘cause there’s no one in this section and I don’t care about likes or if you wanna read it or not I just need to write. I’m feeling bad right now, what I’m doing seems so pointless, seems like all will be hard to do, days are passing quick and are almost all fucking the same; I have to do important things for my life and my stability and then I gotta study too and I’m just doing nothing… I have a lot of energy but they’re stuck, I can’t use them, I have only my “reserves” they’re the only thing who make me alive, fortunately I have a lot of reserves but it’s like constantly living in saving mode, fortunately i don’t have a sad behaviour I can charge by my self im not a damn mummy I don’t wake up full of dust and quietness as Ramses II and Tutanfuck, I have the ability (forced) to just don’t think about the things and carry on, but as you know it’s hard… I mean in this site too how can you say you’re sad/depressed and then study 60-100 pages per day? fortunately I’m doing all the exams but it’s so hard and I’m doing all a the end of the days… how can my cousin say she’s depressed and acting so shy and quite compared to me who I look good because I talk and act good while I’m almost dead inside… and she has work stability, goes out almost every evening/night, no worries about bills and money (come on 350$ of rent? Don’t make me laugh 😹) why family is worried about her?! only because I act strong and she seems depressed all day? What the fuck are her problems? Yes hypochondriac behaviour who a little thing could be a cancer, then yeah “I will never find a man” (and a lot of men want her, but ok we know some of them are jerk and so on), “maybe I could do another job” yeah okay?! but trust me is a good job she’s not serving coffee or passing things at the supermarket… yeah my uncle is oppressing but my cousin it’s totally free got her car her house nobody say nothing… trust me I’m not jealous I love her and I’m happy she has stability (she’s older than me) I just don’t understand why I have to see her depressed talking about dumb things like “I will never find someone” (forgetting no one is good for you) while I have to struggle with work instability (will take years and I’ll be far from here i’ve to find something else in the meantime) money instability, social instability,life instability and I act like nothing is going on? 😹😹😹 I feel like to be in a war and if you’re in a war you don’t hide and cry but just carry on don’t thinking about “I’m gonna die” or you’ll probably die, I don’t listen those dumb sad songs or whatever sad thoughts and so on I don’t wanna feel bad… but at what cost? I look good so I don’t have problems to think about, ya? of course I’m just lazy and I like adrenaline rush when I’m near an exam or a lesson 🤪 of course it’s not something else!! My only bad-bad thing is enjoy driving fast, arrest me